Hmm, what’s up?
What’s wrong?
Why am I upright?
Where’s the bed gone?
Oh, I’m still in it
Heart beating fast
Chest feeling sore
Breathing erratic, light coming through the door
Not aware of what I’m saying
Or trying to do
If I’m trying to fight or run away
I really wish I could remember any clue
Your words spoken gently
Your questions I can’t answer
I had a bad dream
Is all I could muster
You arms around me
Gently rubbing my back
And I start to feel peaceful
As you sooth my nerves from this night attack
My heart beat rocks my body
I can hear the concern in your voice
You rarely get to see me like this
As when it hits I’m never given a choice
Laying there in the darkness
Wrapped in the security of your arms
Wide awake, deep breathing
Just starting to calm down
At least this time you were awake
To stop me running from the bed
You spared me another bruised arm
And yet another knocked leg
So hard to explain the feeling
When this panic hits
All senses on overload
Nerves shot to bits
My racing heart pounding
A cold sweat dripping
Sour sickness rising
My tired eyes with tears brimming
Temper simmering
Clammy palms
Frustrated at being held prisoner
By a duvet that means no harm
Focusing on composing myself
And letting the episode pass
And just concentrate on breathing
Forgetting all else
I feel so ridiculous
Why’s my mind so ill at ease?
I thought I had a good day
But my unconscious wants to tease
No rhyme or reason
No pattern to follow
Just when I think it’s faded away
I’m sent another jolt of panic to swallow
This secluded inner panic
Feels strange while all around is calm
Needing to leave the situation
For more secure ground
Day or night
The result the same
No where to run
No total escape
I hate having to lose control
And relinquish power
To a chemical imbalance
That can strike at any hour
Too regular an occurrence
When the demons of my mind fill my dreams
They use the cover of night
To let out their tortured screams
But they aren’t real
They don’t exist
It’s just my mind
Playing more heart pounding tricks
It’s able to fool me
If only for a moment
Until reality comes clearly back
Into a rational focus
Only when my eyes are open
In the dim light
The demons start to retreat
To their hiding place deep out of sight
I lay still a little longer
Not wanting to re-visit sleep just yet
Waiting for the demons to pass
Is usually is a safe bet…
