I can text friends
And catch up on their lives
Or I can sit solitary
And play connect 4 in my mind
I can boot up the games consol
And play a racing game
Until the police impound my car
A frustrating hiccup in game play
I can sit in front of the PC
Writing these words
And sift through hundreds of poems
All releasing feelings never heard
But I don’t feel like doing anything
My mind just feels blank
So I mindlessly flick through the channels
My creative energy empty like a vagrants piggy bank
I lay down on the sofa
And view the TV from my side
As the phone starts ringing
But I don’t want to participate in a verbal ride
I don’t feel like engaging anyone
My mind has no room for nonsense
So I listen to it’s jangling ring
Until my home regains it’s silence
I can’t help but look at the same walls everyday
And this life I’ve poorly lived
And things feel astray
I’ve so much more to give
These walls they drain my energy
My possessions try to possess me
Every now and then I catch a glimpse
At the world in which I want to be
Time passes slowly until I hear the sound of your key in the door
I greet my man who looks so tired and worn
You jump into bed with a cup of tea
I and get in beside you and cuddle close to your heat
Laying beside you your breathing becomes slow
I try to sleep next to you under the watchful TV glow
But sleep doesn’t come for me, it dodges my pleas
So I get up and make yet another cup of tea
I get back into bed and grab my pad and pen
And sift through all my thoughts that never seem to end
I pick a memory, situation or scenario
And let my hand document as my inner feelings flow
Pages and pages of different things
Some I like, some I bin
All revisit and re-stir old feelings
As I create a readable picture that never feels pleasing
And when my mind has gone numb
And I cant write anymore about me
I move on to something more light hearted
Organising pictures of us by the sea
When you wake I wonder what you will want to do?
We have the whole day ahead of us, just me and you
Maybe we could rent a film or play a computer game
Don’t feel I have the stamina to socialise or go out, is that ok?
So we amble through the day
Doing this and doing that
Doing nothing in particular
Lounging around in the heat of the flat
And here it is, a typical day
Where my life goes on anyway
The same repeats, the same old me
I guess it’s time again to make more tea......
I lay here and feel a mess
I don’t want to get up, can’t bring myself to get dressed
Feels like I’ve spent an eternity staring at this ceiling
Getting up just doesn’t feel appealing
What’s the point in getting up anyway?
I know the day ahead
One of fluctuating energy
So I can spare the annoyance by staying here instead
If I keep my eyes closed
Maybe the day will pass by
And I wont have to make contact
With anyone or the world outside
My sweaty greasy hair
Clings limply to my face
I can feel my mood weighing upon me
Like an unseen inner oppression that leaves a bad taste
I hold my pillow and turn on my side
Grabbing the covers I pull them high
The pressure of the pillow is too much for my thyroid to take
A crushing feeling felt as if my windpipe will break
A feeling like an invisible noose tied around my neck
Like a choke lead tugging and pulling my flesh
A suffocating feeling like hands gripped tight
I rub the lump gently to help it sit right
I force myself onto my elbows
Before I start to get aggravated and cough
And I’m greeted by my cats
Who just want feeding and have waited long enough
Their love and affection
Brings a smile to my lips
As they both fight hard for position
Whilst pacing my hips
So I resentfully and sluggishly get up
And feed two hungry purring cats
I put the kettle on
Then retrieve the post from the door mat
I bypass all mirrors
As I know it’s not a pleasing view
Too much needs sorting
And I cant be bothered too
I flick through the news channels
And watch the war of the day
And start my daily chores
That never seem to go away
Robotic movements
As I move through my home
Doing things done for years
That just bring an eye roll and groan
I pick up the laundry
Left discarded by my man
At 4 am in the morning
Finding the washing bin isn’t part of his plan
I take the rubbish out
And collect the washing up
Change the litter tray
And pour myself another cup
Trying hard to pre occupy
Thoughts away from myself
My family, my life
And my stuck in a rut health
And 20 minutes later
When all household chores are through
I sit and twiddle my thumbs
At what next to do
I can go for a walk
And take my time
Watch the butterflies dancing
Against a warm blue sky
I can read a book
When my concentration co-operates
Or I can be a productive band manager
And organise many gig dates
