Don’t worry about an operating table
Don’t worry about sterilized tools
Don’t worry about anaesthesia
I’m numb enough from playing the fool
Take the nearest bone saw
And crack my rib cage in two
Then grab my already broken heart
And squeeze it until it turns blue
Then stab it repeatedly
With a blunt rusty knife
And keep on going
Until you have completely taken my life
When that’s done put what’s left in a blender
To be sure the jobs done right
Then pour the contents down the waste disposal
Then I might be peaceful enough to sleep at night
Leave my chest hollow
With a massive cavity inside
Now all there is left to do
Is remove all thoughts of torture from my mind
So use that same bone saw
To crack my skull and remove my brain
Cos it’s the only way to cease all feeling
To completely be numb to the pain
To unburden all the disappointment
Of those who back out of what they say
Of constant empty gestures
That litter the pathway of my day
Decapitation is what’s needed next
As my mind and body have never seen eye to eye
Communication stopped a long time ago between them
So severing the tie might bring relief to my sighs
Then remove my eyes so I cant see
The lies and betrayal all around
Put them in a box
And bury them 6 feet under ground
Then I’ll no longer be a fool to deception
I wont be able to see false love and friendship
So I’m unable to see who I’m touching
So I can bypass feeling like an emotional car wreck
So I’ll no longer feel like I’m the only one
Who’s eyes bleed tears
From a life time of frustration
And trapped unspoken fears
My ears have to be removed as well
So I don’t have to hear the cruelness in my life
So there’s no more chance of me believing
So I can stop stabbing myself with this blunt guilt knife
Then physically cut my hands off
So I don’t try and reach out anymore
Cos every time I try and touch someone
I’m left feeling like some kind of cheap whore
Then use a scalpel to cut off my nose
So I’m unable to smell
The familiar smell of bullshit
That most people try to sell
Then take a needle and thread
And sow my mouth tightly shut
It’s of no use to me
All speech feels like it cuts
I don’t know how to talk anyway
Words get trapped by an invisible barrier
A barrier that thinks no one is listening
So any words will just pathetically stammer
Rip my stomach out with your hands
As that’s the only way to stop the swirling inside
And the churning nausea that pulsates
And allow me to step off of this ride
Use a needle and plastic tube
To drain what little blood I have left
It’s tired from sluggishly fuelling my body
It now just feels hopeless and bereft
Hopefully when all this amputation has been done
And I’ve been left def, dumb and mute
Maybe some kind of peace I will find
And I’ll be detached from the emotional bullets others shoot..
