Her body was not her own
She didn’t want it anyway
She was ashamed and disgusted by it
But she could never admit or say
For her there were no options
No real and final escape
Just to accept this torture
And comply to his demanding rape
She paraded herself
And became his toy
As it was better to just comply
And not get him annoyed
The feel of his hands on her
Sent ice through her veins
Made her mind scream with despair
Made her question if she was sane
He pinned her wrists down
To the bed, the floor or the wall
And he covered her mouth
As she cried and let the tears fall
When she had served her purpose
When he had fallen asleep
She would place her head in her hands
And gently let tears weep
She would stare at her wrists
And would study her veins
And imagined slitting them
And watching the crimson rain
But she couldn’t do that
And she couldn’t leave
So the sobbing would get louder
As she would start to greave
For what she once was
For what she once could have been
For the home and family she wanted
All seems now such a far away dream
She badly wanted to walk away
But where could she go?
Where could she be safe from this?
There was nowhere she knows
He would always say that he was sorry
That things would change
And again she believed him
A never ending cat and mouse game
He couldn’t look her in the eye
He couldn’t even look at her face
That displayed his handy work
That filled him with disgrace
But he continued to be a coward
And lay the blame at her feet
That she brings all this on herself
Trying to render her self confidence obsolete
She struggled hard to make sense
How did things change?
They started off well and full of promise
But she was left feeling like a target on a firing range
She didn’t know what was worse
Being hit or reciprocating his love
It was all the same though
When push came to shove
It’s the only routine she knew
For what else could there be?
It would be like this with every man wouldn’t it?
Of violence she could never possibly be free
The bones that have been broken
Are no where near as fractured as her heart
But she made this commitment
Till death do us part
But this silhouetted woman I’m listening to now
Did finally get away
And although she’s building a new life
On her mind this will always weigh
She doesn’t have to live with being raped and humiliated
Being left to feel useless and worthless
But the despair still echo’s in her voice
As her mind struggles to process this mess
She just still cant comprehend
The years she lived through
But in the end it came down to love
And in that she paid her dues….
She talks to me from the TV screen
Within a darkened studio
Her silhouette speaking of stories
Only those who can relate to can fully know
Hidden by the shadows
But they can’t fully conceal her shame
That emits from the TV screen
She still thinks she’s the one to blame
She tells a story of how she once was
Of a place she is trying hard to forget
But it’s still too fresh for her to move on
She cant let go just yet
Re-enactments of what she’s been through
Play painfully scene by scene
As she tries to talk through and explain
How far into hell she’s been
Photos show bruises like tattoos on her body
The colours creating patterns on her skin
It was the only visible sign
Of the sheer heartache she felt within
She couldn’t bring herself to tell anyone
Or confess the anguish inside
Because the punishment would be to severe
So the traces she tried to hide
If you had ever seen her
You might not have seen all the marks on her face
She’s hoping her make up has disguised them
And is covering any suspicious trace
The more bruises she wore
The more clothes too
But only the truly blind wouldn’t see
Or complete fools
She did nothing wrong
Yet she did nothing right
No matter what she did
She could never avoid the fight
She was wrong to sit quietly
Then she was wrong to meekly speak
She was wrong to cry
She was wrong to let her heartbeat
She was wrong to have friends
She was wrong to want to try
She was wrong to laugh
She was wrong to ask why
She was wrong to want money
To buy some food
She was wrong to not know booze was more important
If she wants to avoid his attitude
But she believed him when he said he was sorry
She kept believing he would change
She believed she should give more chances
Her safety for false words she would exchange
She believed she should defend him
And stand obediently by his side
She believed in happy endings
But she forgot about her pride
See the beatings were her fault
Because she didn’t smile when asked
Because she didn’t iron a shirt properly
Because she didn’t complete many immaculate tasks
She did her best to keep their home nice
And to be the best wife
But she found it hard to keep going
When she had no reason to stay alive
There was nothing but this routine
This carousel of destruction
Living on an emotional island
In constant threat of volcanic eruptions
The pinches, punches, slaps and kicks
Bare hands or household weapon of choice
All leaving a map of where he has been
Silent wounds that emitted no noise
The day she raised her hand to him
Was the worst day of her life
The injuries she sustained
Felt like a thousand twisting knives
So fighting back and objecting
Are things she would no longer do
It just added to the violence and anger
And they didn’t need prompting with their cue
Her home and her body were a battlefield
Both littered with casualties
Her four walls a daily trap
Of which she couldn’t set herself free
